UCI Attempts to Ban Armstrong - Armstrong says "Suck it"

Fast on the heels of this years half-experiment to ban radios at the Tour de France the UCI has voted to phase out radios at all levels of competition.

Although some may believe that the ban is a response to critics' complaints that cycling has become too formulaic and predictable because of radios, the keen observer will realize that it's actually an attempt to ban Lance Armstrong's new squad from UCI competition. Obviously the UCI is worried that with Alberto Contador apparently unwilling to ride for any team other than himself, Cadel Evans' Curse of the Rainbow Jersey (and intolerable whinyness in general), the Schleck brothers hunger strike and continous rumors concerning the funding issues of the perpetually eyebrow-less Alexandre Vinokourov's Astana team, there only way to keep Armstrong from dominating yet another tour is to ban his team outright.

However, in a shrewd move Radio Shack is apparently circumventing the UCI ban by changing its moniker to "The Shack." This clever substitution of the article "The" for the word "Radio" not only puts team Armstrong beyond the reach of any possible interpretation of the UCI ruling but also opens the door for some interesting promotional possibilities. Perhaps team The Shack can takes some cues from Rock Racing on how to uglify their race bikes or maybe even have Mugatu fashion their kits as part of the Derelicte campaign.

Considering Armstrong's uncanny abilities to force corporate name changes, dismantle entire teams and re-assemble them under Khazak rule, and incite flashmob bike rides around the world, it should come as no surprise that Armstrong has unveiled step one in what is undoubtedly a plan for world cycling domination - The Mellow Classic. It's now only a matter of time before the UCI is overthrown by the Lance Armstrong Cycling Federation as world cycling's governing body.